Training for something bigger that you can possibly imagine yourself finishing, whether that’s a 5k run or a Deca Ultra Triathlon, means you will swing in and out of positivity. At times it will seem like an impossible task, one which only others who you see as better, stronger and more naturally gifted are capable of doing. That is very much where I’ve been in my head and heart all week. Training has become a huge chore rather than an exciting journey, not because I don’t like training or I don’t want to do it but because I fear not improving, the results are not there in my face. Deep down all I know that all I have to do is follow my plans as closely as possible and I will be okay. I’ve seen it happen for myself before, even when I’ve not been able to complete workouts I’ve been trained enough to compete. But this time I feel I am losing heart when it gets hard and I’m stopping because I’m not mentally tough enough. I believe it is down to my chest/breathing and I am doing something about it so I tell myself that all will be okay in the end. This week I’ve backed off my cycling, stuck to my running plan, swum only a little – and played a round of golf (not very well). I’m feeling more positive at the end of the week than I did at the start and wait to see what next week will bring, a spell at work during Sunday afternoon at least confirms that stuff I’ve been working on is in fact working! So that, along with the anti stress fidget spinner Claire bought me should help me enormously from here on in.
As Sonny said in The Best Marigold Hotel, “everything will be alright in the end, so if it is not alright it is not yet the end.”